Tag: SONN posts
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10 reasons Jillian is the best character
We roast Jillian a lot on this blog, and I believe it’s time we realized what a great character she is, don’t you? Even if she’s not the best, she’s wildly misunderstood. Here are ten reasons Jillian should be your favorite character, too! She donated blood– What a great person! She should definitely be credited…
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Club Member Creates Letter to Club in Club Comment Format, Wins Competition
Detroit, MI- We received inside information from the decision-makers about who will be the ones to receive the special prizes from Gary Locke. It is very good news, and now we have an exclusive! The first one of three we received was sent by George G. We have it below. “okay, so i’m going to…
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Eugene’s Entire Life Just Fever Dream From Four Corners
OAK PARK, CO- Eugene Meltsner woke up on an uneventful day to find himself in a completely different home. He was in a room with Bryant Jennings, who had made him breakfast the earlier day. He was shocked and confused at the same time. According to Mr. Jennings, he continued to repeat, “Where is everyone?…
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Mr. Skint Released From Prison After Clarifying His Crimes Were “only games”
Career criminal and con artist Jebediah Skint was released from Statesville Prison this last week after serving six months of his sentence. Judge Simon Jones heard the appeal from Skint’s lawyer. The argument form his attorney was very simple. “My client, Jebediah Skint was convicted of crimes for which he is innocent. He never meant…
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Jillian Marshall Revealed To Be A Huge Joyce Meyer Fan
ODYSSEY, USA – Today Connie Kendall and her sister Jules arrived home early from their morning service at Odyssey Community Church. They were shocked at what they saw when they walked in the door. The two Kendall sisters walked through the door and surprised their roommate. Jillian Marshall leapt from her place on the couch…
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John Whittaker Meets Jillian, Asks for a Bucket
ODYSSEY, USA- Mr. Whittaker arrived at the Kendall residence after complaints about a roommate under the name Jillian Marshall. He expected to have a little talk with Connie about this, and show her the options, as he so often does. When he arrived, however, he received a huge shock. The lady came out with bright…
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Morrie Rydell Confused After Getting Coal In His Stocking Christmas Morning
ODYSSEY, USA – Christmas morning, Morrie Rydell was surprised to get coal in his stocking. When Morrie Rydell got up Christmas morning at the Whittaker residence, he rushed downstairs to open Christmas presents. Mr. Whittaker suggested Morrie and his sister first open up their stockings. Morrie felt the hard objects inside his stocking, and excitedly…
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Bart Rathbone Starts New Line Of Sparkling Water Named “Don’t Call Me Pop!”
ODYSSY, USA – Today Bart Rathbone announced a new line of flavored sparkling water that he will be selling in the Electric Palace. Mr. Rathbone told reporters, “I’m announcin’ dis here new line of sparklin drink! Da guys told me it was healthier than soda but I can’t tell da diff’rence! So I’m gonna be…
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John Whittaker’s Company Universal Press Foundation Goes Bankrupt Because Who Reads Encyclopedias Anymore?
CHICAGO, IL – Today John Whittaker held a press conference in front of the Universal Press Foundation. During the press conference, he revealed to the reporters that UPF is going bankrupt due to the emergence of the digital age and the ever-growing lack of a need for physical encyclopedias. John Whittaker said “Our children now…
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Officer David Harley Comes Forward To Codemn Focus On The Family For Caving To Cancel Culture 32 Years Ago
ODYSSEY, USA – Today we were privileged to sit down for an exclusive interview with former Odyssey police officer David Harley. A full transcript of the interview can be read below. SONN: So, Mr. Harley, you have come forward today to tell us your story. David Harley: Yes. I am greatly disheartened by the actions…