Tag: Satirical Odyssey News Network
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Morrie Takes Emily to the Top of Whit’s End and Promises Her All the Kingdoms of the Earth if She Admits It Was All “Good”
ODYSSEY, USA – Today Morrie Rydell led Emily Jones to the roof of popular ice cream shop Whit’s End. He told her she could have all the nations of the earth if only she answered his question correctly. Jones scoffed, asking, “what question?” as she rolled her eyes. Rydell replied, “Is all of that, gooooooooooooooood?”…
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Federal Agents Storm House, Arresting Famed Con Artist Living in Odyssey Under The Name Jillian Marshall
ODYSSEY, USA – Federal Agents stormed the house of Connie Kendall today. They were looking for a famous con artist who was living here under the assumed name “Jillian Marshall.” F.B.I. spokesman Fred Thompson gave a briefing to the press that evening saying, “We at the F.B.I. have been working closely with Don Polhaus and…
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Bart and Doris Rathbone Crown Themselves King and Queen of Odyssey Because They Own the Electric Palace
ODYSSEY, USA – Today, Bart and Doris Rathbone crowned themselves as King and Queen of Odyssey. Bart gave a press conference, or as he referred to it, a “royal briefing” to local news outlets. During the press conference, he said “I was sittin’ der with the missus and thinking to myself, why does London have…
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Melanie Jacob’s Fooled Again, This Time Sending All Her Allowance To Joel Osteen
ODYSSEY, USA – Melanie Jacobs’ parents are very disappointed in their daughter after she donated all of her money to famed prosperity gospel teacher, Joel Osteen. Dale and Ann Jacobs found out earlier today that a total of $137.68 was sent by Melanie to Lakewood Church in Houston, TX. When questioning their daughter as to…
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Bernard Walton Proposes New Law That Would Make It A Felony For Children To Touch Windows
ODYSSEY, USA – Bernard Walton proposed a new law that would hopefully make his life a little easier. Walton spends much of his day as a window washer groaning about the mess children leave on windows. The latest incident came about as Walton was cleaning the windows at Whit’s End when he saw Wyatt Perkins…
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Rathbone For Mayor Campaign Under Investigation After Reports That Donations Were All Spent On Pork Rinds
ODYSSEY, USA – The campaign of former mayoral candidate Bart Rathbone is being investigated after reports of the misuse of campaign funds. Officer Patrick O’Ryan addressed the allegations in a press conference, saying “This discrepancy came to our attention after a man by the pseudonym of Rathny Rodbone came to us with incriminating reports about…
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Mr. Whittaker Baffled As Plot To Take Over The World Located In a Town Other Than Odyssey
ODYSSEY, USA – Reports are coming in from Odyssey that John Avery Whittaker is confused after evil people are trying to take over thr world in a city that is NOT Odyssey. He said: “I was under the impression that the only plots to take over the world were only hatched in Odyssey. We’ve had…
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Robert Mitchell Found Locked In Phil Lollar’s Basement
ARIZONA – An FBI SWAT team raided the house of Phil Lollar today. Lollar is a writer for the popular radio drama, Adventures in Odyssey. They raided his house under the suspicion that he was holding one of their agents captive. Those suspicions were confirmed when they located a tunnel under Lollar’s residence which led…
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Facebook Changes Name to “Nova”
MENLO PARK, CA- Only three days ago, we received news that the popular social networking and advertising service Facebook, would soon change its business’s name to Nova, to aim for the mindoverse. We cannot determine what this means, but we’re sure that whatever it is, it would be detrimental our brains in any way. Meta…
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Former Rydell and AIO Fan confused by current events
LYNCHBURG, VA- A former No. 1 fan of the Rydell saga was in shock after coming out from under a rock the last 3 years. He had been a huge fan in 2019 when it appeared like it would be a Novacom saga or something like that. He’s was confused and almost annoyed that since…