Tag: Satirical Odyssey News Network
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After Ben Shapiro’s Smashing Success, Bernard Walton Decides to Diss Kids With Dirty Fingers
ODYSSEY, USA- Tom MacDonald decided to let Bernard Walton come into his studio and record after Ben Shapiro declared his “rap Hannukkah” complete this week. The single album highlighted Bernard’s frustration with ice-cream-fingered children, and included lyrics such as “I’ll stuff you with chocolate and call you the Easter bunny”. Many are calling this a…
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M’kalister Park Album Hits Billboard Top 100
NEW YORK, NY- The music album by “M’kalister Park”, the Ceiling Fan AIO tribute band has hit the Top Billboard 100, and hardcore Adventures in Odyssey Fans are finally able to say they liked the show “before it was cool”. In wake of this news, Kevin McCreary has also decided to finally restart the podcast.…
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Carla Perkins Markets to Sell Butter Popcorn Perfume
In a world filled with mundane fragrances, one audacious entrepreneur is pushing the boundaries of olfactory delight. Meet Carla Perkins, the fearless mastermind behind an unthinkable creation: butter popcorn perfume. Yes, you indeed read that correctly. Forget about normal mundane scents; Carla is revolutionizing the perfume industry, one kernel at a time. Odyssey, a small…
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Bernard returns to Odyssey, surprising residents with his new nose job
ODYSSEY, USA – After an extended absence from the town of Odyssey, longtime resident and window washer Bernard Walton returned. Friends and neighbors of Bernard threw a welcome home party for their friend at local ice cream parlor, Whit’s End. When Bernard came through the door of Whit’s End, many gasped at his new look.…
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Actually, Odyssey’s not in Ohio
NOT OHIO- Interviews with Focus on the Family revealed that Odyssey is not anywhere close to Ohio and that fans please stop associating them with that state. According to Odyssey mayor Hicks, “We no longer want our beautiful town to be connected with Ohioans any longer. While we are honored that outsiders would believe this…
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Connie Excited For Yet Another Valentine’s Day Spent Single
Odyssey, USA – Today resident ice cream shop employee Connie Kendall expressed her total joy over yet another Valentine’s Day spent single. On her show Candid Conversation with Connie on KYDS radio, she delved deep into her dating history. During this radio segment, she talked about her relationships with both Jeff Lewis and Robert Mitchell.…
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U.S. Military Shoots Down Mystery “Object” Flying Over The Midwest
Today, the Department of Defense released a statement about a recent incident miles above the earth that had many civilians scared and bewildered. Spokesman Karl Stanley told a crowd of reporters “Although many details of this case are classified, I can tell you that our satellites picked up an unknown object flying above the earth.…
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Kanye West Joins The Bones of Rath After Learning They Are Enemies With The Israelites
ODYSSEY, USA – Today, popular rapper Kanye West announced his support of and involvement in the local gang “the Bones of Rath.” According to Kanye, “I found out the Bones are fightin’ some rival gang called the Israelites. I just gotta help them out.” The Bones of Rath is a gang run by Rodney Rathbone,…
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Company with app that doesn’t work mad when people share content outside of it*
COLORADO- A corporation came under fire last week after users were banned from social media platforms when they disclosed they had bootlegged episodes off the broken application. Fans’ defense was that the app was broken and they could not use it. PR team’s had this to say in response: I can’t believe fans would subvert…
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Whit Cheerfully looks at the Events of the World While Saying, “that kind of thing never happens in Odyssey!”
WHIT’S HOUSE- Whit took a look at the shopping mall televisions while downtown shopping at the mall after another near death experience involving innocent civilians and children when he saw all the terrible news out in the world. He stopped for a while, then carried on nonchalantly. This afternoon, he was asked on the radio…