Tag: John Tuttle III
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Eugene Meltsner Goes To The Hospital, Tests Positive For Being “A Total Genius”
ODYSSEY, USA – Today Eugene Meltsner went to Odyssey Memorial because he was afraid something was wrong. Dr. Lily Graham saw Meltsner in one of the rooms. Meltsner claimed he was suffering from, “an abnormally capacious vocabulary, and an ineradicable passion for an all-encompassing knowledge that is ever expanding.” Meltsner is concerned that these conditions…
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Mr. Whittaker Loses It After Someone Uses The Word “Coincidence” In A Sentence
ODYSSEY, USA – Today at Odyssey Community Church, John Whittaker lost his cool after overhearing a fellow Churchgoer talk about a coincidence. Pastor Wilson Knox just finished up his sermon on compassion, and the congregants were starting to file out of the building. John Whittaker, brother-in-law of Pastor Knox, and owner of popular ice cream…
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Jason Whittaker Astounded After Finding An Old Cassette Of His Father Rapping
ODYSSEY, USA – Today, Jason Whittaker was going through some old boxes at his father’s shop “Whit’s End.” He was cleaning out some storage rooms to make space for future inventions at the establishment. As he searched through boxes, he found an old cassette labeled “December 5, 1987.” Jason found a cassette player in another…
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John Whittaker Berates Child After The Child Mentioned Wanting A Television For Christmas
ODYSSEY, USA – Today, a child came into the popular ice cream shop, Whit’s End. Frank, age 7, ordered a small hot fudge sundae with his parents. Mr. Whittaker, who owns this establishment, attempted to make small talk and asked the young boy what he wanted for Christmas. Frank replied that his family’s television broke…
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Electric Palace Holds Special Christmas Sale: “Buy Any Item At 200% Normal Price And Get 15% Off An Item Of Equal Or Lesser Value”
ODYSSEY, USA – Local business The Electric Palace is reportedly running a special holiday sale, according to owner Bart Rathbone. They are running the sale from now until December 31st. Bart Rathbone gave us all the details on this special offer “Well ya know, I’m really in da Christamus spirit right about now so I…
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Arthur Dent Opens New Baked Goods Shop In Odyssey
ODYSSEY, USA – Arthur Dent was recently released from the Hillendale Haven. He has resided there for many years following the Novacom incident. His doctors reported that he needed much therapy after he suffered electroshock torture at the hands of one Bennett Charles. His doctors, however, reported that he is very well adjusted, despite the…
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Jillian Marshall Hangs Mistletoe In J & J Antiques And Gestures Suggestively Towards It
ODYSSEY, USA – Today at J & J Antiques in Odyssey, Jillian Marshall halted her work to hang some mistletoe from the ceiling of the shop. She did this while her boss, Jason Whittaker, was out making deliveries for the business. When Whittaker returned from the shop, he walked into the room and saw Jillian…
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Bart Rathbone Announces His Run For Mayor Of Odyssey In Next Election 15 Minutes After Conceding Last Election
ODYSSEY, USA – Bart Rathbone just conceded the election to current mayor Spencer Hicks. Shortly after, he announced his run for Mayor in two years, after the term was up. “Odyssey needs a leader with some self-respect. I am da man with that respect for uhh, friends, family, and countryfellow. So I am officially throwin’…
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Uninformed Odyssey Fan Actually Likes The Video Series
Hope, Arkansas – A self proclaimed fan of Adventures in Odyssey recently came out in support of the Adventures in Odyssey video series. In this seemingly simple statement, she outed herself as totally clueless and ignorant. When faced with the facts of Odyssey and that the video series (although enjoyable for young children) is complete…
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Connie Late to Work After First Snow of the Year
ODYSSEY, USA – Today, the first snow of the winter fell in Odyssey. On her way to work, Connie rode in her car and spun off the road. She totaled the red Prelude gifted to her by Mr. Whittaker at Christmas, years ago. Reportedly she was combing her hair and took both hands off the…