Category: Local News
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Local Man Got 90% of His Advanced Vocabulary from Eugene
BOISE, IDAHO- An Idaho man named Nathaniel Peterson was veritably breathless upon discovering that 90% of his vocabulary had come from Adventures in Odyssey’s Eugene Meltsner. According to Peterson, the vast majority of words he knows — like ‘felicitations,’ ‘colloquialism,’ and ‘indubitably’ — were gleaned directly from the scripts of the Adventures in Odyssey tapes he…
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Carla Perkins Markets to Sell Butter Popcorn Perfume
In a world filled with mundane fragrances, one audacious entrepreneur is pushing the boundaries of olfactory delight. Meet Carla Perkins, the fearless mastermind behind an unthinkable creation: butter popcorn perfume. Yes, you indeed read that correctly. Forget about normal mundane scents; Carla is revolutionizing the perfume industry, one kernel at a time. Odyssey, a small…
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Actually, Odyssey’s not in Ohio
NOT OHIO- Interviews with Focus on the Family revealed that Odyssey is not anywhere close to Ohio and that fans please stop associating them with that state. According to Odyssey mayor Hicks, “We no longer want our beautiful town to be connected with Ohioans any longer. While we are honored that outsiders would believe this…
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Jimmy and Donna Forget Last Year, This Time Burn Down Entire House
ODYSSEY, USA- A few days ago, Jimmy and Donna Barclay once again found themselves in a predicament of sickly proportions. With their two parents sick with the coronavirus, they forgot the instructions to go to the Jacob’s house and decided to try their hand at Thanksgiving dinner. Despite Jimmy’s insistance that they just forget tradition…
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Wyatt Perkins diagnosed with Twitter Disease
ODYSSEY, USA- Although Wyatt is supposedly not old enough to have a social media account, this week he came out of the hospital diagnosed with Twitter Disease. This common illness causes individuals who catch it to repeat things they hear online without confirming it for themselves. Many exposed to a certain phrase or idea spread…
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Odyssey changes city name to Mayberry
ODYSSEY, USA- Mayor Spencer Hicks (or Margret Faye, still not exactly sure what year it is) recently announced that due to several newcomers mistaking the small town for the other fictional town of Mayberry, the city would be renamed to that anyway. This left many city members confused; however, outsiders said it was the perfect…
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McKay child makes headlines after offering “Juice and Milk” instead of Lemonade
Last week (or sometime after 2003, we’re not really sure), Grady McKay made it on the front page of the Odyssey Times when he broke a tradition held since 1987. When one Eugene Meltsner arrived at his door, he was offered juice or milk instead of water, tea, or most importantly, lemonade. Since Mayor Faye…